chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
