you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
