im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
