last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
