awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
