come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
