I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
