There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
