I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
