Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
