Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
