doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
