be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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