i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize