week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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