Pants 0. Shit 1.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
