So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
