i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
