he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
