so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
