I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's great music for shaving your balls
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
