I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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