if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
