one word: firstdatebathroomanal
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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