It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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