Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
