My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize