I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
