Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
