new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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