After last night, I could never be a politician.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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