Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
