I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
