when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
