if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
