Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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