ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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