Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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