You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
