that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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