Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
