You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
