Tell her she can't have a vagina
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is the high leading the old right now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
