i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
