So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
