So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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