Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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