Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
