That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize