So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
