Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
