Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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