I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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