not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
