we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
