You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
