No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
