I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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