I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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