i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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