i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
