20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
last night I used snow as a chaser
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
