Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
