Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
