Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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