Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
