I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
