So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
