yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
