So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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